Always find a reason to smile

Being a senior in college is one of the scariest positions to be in. Do you know why? Because (for most people) it's the first real time in your life you don’t know what you’ll be doing after you graduate. You don’t know what city you’ll be in, where you’ll be working or if you'll even have a job by the time May rolls around. It is a hard position to be in because you’re in a balancing act between trying to live up the last 80 days of college, spending quality time with your closest friends, trying to figure out how to save money, find a job, get your resume together and still focus on the classes you're in (and actually caring about them). Maybe that’s just me, but these past few weeks I catch myself in a bind of anxiety and nostalgia. One side of me wants to go running back to my first semester in college and do all those things you regret not doing. The other side of me is so anxious, nervous and excited to finally be starting in the real world to see if you can handle it. I keep going back to the verse Philippians 4:6- “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

            I’ve had a tendency to become in denial and I’m not even exactly sure what about. It might be because I’m terribly upset and petrified to not be in the best semester of college and not living with my roommates anymore, or if I’m scared of what’s to come, or I’m scared that me and my boyfriend will have to manage a long-distance relationship for the first time. I've never experienced so many different emotions that are both good and bad. Like I said, this has been the most fun semester by far! But with all these feelings going on, sometimes it would be easier to retreat to feeling numb so I don’t have to feel what it's like to mend a hurting friendship or feel the anxiety of the real world. But no matter how hard, fun, exciting and petrifying this semester is, I can always find a reason to smile.

   I don't add this picture just to have a picture of myself. That would be conceited. But I look at it and remember when I had a hard time finding a reason to smile after losing my mom. I didn’t want to smile then, I didn’t want to feel anything at all and I FOR SURE never thought I would genuinely feel what joy and happiness was deep down again.  I didn’t feel what true happiness felt like again until this last semester of college and I think everyone close to me has noticed that as well. I can genuinely smile again without forcing it because I have realized the million blessings the Lord has given me. He knew I was going through an extremely hard time these past few years, but he also knew when I would feel true joy again. And I had been searching for it for so long. I would get mad at God for not letting me have joy, but I had realized joy comes from the Word of God. It is buried in the pages of scripture and on your knees in prayer. It comes with the trust you put in God.

Yes I still have hard days and that’s okay! Life is long and bumpy at times. But the Lord had a perfect plan for me and He continues to have His perfect plan for me long after I’ve graduated. There’s no reason to stress about the future. Trust is the antithesis of stress. You can’t have both. If I believe, then I must let go and trust. Belief is more than a mental assent, it’s a verb, its something that you do.

So I want to genuinely enjoy this last semester of college because JOY is worth the effort of TRUST.